


they're totally frenemies

by orphan_account



Series: All Written by Same Author [31]
Category: Naruto
Genre: ...most of the time, Canon Compliant, Cussing, Dialogue Heavy, Don't Repost Onto Another Site, Gen, Humor, Minor Violence, One Shot, Swearing, Warring States Period (Naruto), chaotic duo™, don't copy onto another site, i love being able to use that tag for stupid shit, theyre friends except not nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26228710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Izuna and Tobirama often run into each other on missions. Sometimes, they're even hired alongside each other. Freakishly, no one's been killed, and Tobirama would like to know why.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama & Uchiha Izuna
Series: All Written by Same Author [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032297
Comments: 10
Kudos: 92





	they're totally frenemies

**Author's Note:**

> ive done it again...? my naruto binge-writing will probably slow down, tho

"Why haven't you killed me yet?"

Izuna narrows his eyes at him. 

"Do you want me to?" He asks, coldly serious. 

Tobirama understands that kind of apathetic curiosity. It's why he asked in the first place.

"No."

Izuna sighs loosely, a stark contrast from his initially intense gaze. He idly pokes their fire with a stick, but Tobirama can tell he's genuinely fussing over the placement of the logs. He always does, when they have campfires. 

Tobirama wants to know why he's allowed to know this about Izuna. They never take sleeping shifts _precisely_ because they don't trust the other not to kill them in their sleep. So Tobirama inevitably wonders why killing during the day hasn't been attempted yet.

"Mn. Pity, I'd have taken you up on that."

Tobirama stares.

"Would you?"

Izuna snorts.

"Don't be stupid. That's for your face, not your mouth. Of course I wouldn't—your brother could _demolish_ mine."

"He could 'demolish' you, too."

Izuna waves a hand.

"Yes, that's obvious. But I'm more worried about my brother dying than myself." He turns to Tobirama with a playful smile. "I'm sure you know the feeling."

Tobirama nods. He does. 

"...But, even before they met– Why didn't you kill me?" 

Izuna frowns uncomfortably.

"You're like, three years older than me. I was _seven_." He says cagily.

"You're stronger."

"I'm distractible." Izuna counters. "The _real_ question is: why didn't _you_ kill _me_?"

Tobirama doesn't respond. There's a few reasons. Izuna was born in the same year as Kawarama, so Tobirama was hesitant when they were kids. And though they _did_ start as equals, Izuna quickly surpassed Tobirama. No amount of his 'distractibility' would give Tobirama the upper hand. ...Probably. 

They work efficiently together, anyways.

Izuna is staring at him, an impatient eyebrow raised. He's not going to take silence for an answer, then. So _pushy_.

"...You. You _very vaguely_ remind me of my younger brother." There. That's all he's saying.

Izuna snorts softly, refocusing on the fire. The two civilian merchant groups are sleeping in their wagon-trains, no doubt cozy and warm. They're really not worried about the smoke giving away their position—with these prestigious caravans they're guarding, it'd be suspicious _not_ to leave a trace, and Izuna and Tobirama could take down most anyone together. 

"...Then–" Izuna starts quietly, "I suppose you _very vaguely_ remind me of my older sister."

The firelight dances orange and yellow on Izuna's face. It's a pretty sight, if one likes haunted things. 

"What could I have in common with an Uchiha?"

Izuna lets out a breathy laugh.

"What, _indeed_." He mutters sarcastically, absently gesturing from them to the fire. "What could I have in common with a Senju, then?"

Tobirama almost smiles.

"I don't like you." Is what he tells Izuna instead.

"I don't like you, either." Izuna says, almost fond.

They get along well, but they honestly don't like each other. That's the best part, being mean to each other but knowing they will always get along, no matter how awful they are. Today's a rare day, when they sit together and pretend to be good friends.

Tobirama puts a finger to his lips, feeling unusually theatrical.

"Shh! Don't tell."

"It's a secret." Izuna agrees, nodding solemnly. 

It really is. Hashirama would never get off his case about peace with the Uchiha if he found out. Madara would, presumably, react similarly. So they'll be keeping this little frenemy gig to themselves.

After all, they're only going to end up killing each other, despite what they say now. Judging by Izuna's nervous tapping, he knows it, too. Expects it. That gives Tobirama a thought.

Does Izuna really think his distractibility is so dangerous? Perhaps it's something to keep in mind for their next battle. Izuna generally likes to pick off other Senju while he keeps Tobirama busy, but he can't be everywhere at once…

"Stop plotting." 

Tobirama opens his mouth to retort, but Izuna cuts him off crankily.

"I can _smell_ your bullshit. At least give me the _bare minimum_ respect and have your murder fantasies when you're _not_ getting warm by _my_ fire. Honestly, who _raised_ you?" Izuna mutters darkly.

Tobirama lets out a huff of breath from his nose. He's not terribly offended by that last remark, and Izuna knows it. 

He always does. 

Suddenly, Tobirama wonders what Izuna thinks Tobirama's weakness is. The thought makes him cold, gives him goosebumps. His leg starts bouncing. Wait–

"Are _you_ having murder fantasies right now!?" Tobirama asks, whispering harshly.

Izuna rolls his eyes.

"It's _my_ fire, isn't it?" He grumbles, and the cold feeling doesn't stop.

"Fucking _asshole_." Tobirama replies venomously.

Izuna swats the back of his head in immediate retaliation to Tobirama's tone, gripping his hair tightly.

"I could say the same, _To-bi-ra-ma_." Izuna seethes, tugging Tobirama's head toward him.

Ah, there's that mean-streak.

"Sure could, Mr. Anger Issues." 

Izuna scowls at him. 

" _This_ is why I keep you alive. You do _wonders_ for my anger management."

It sounds reasonably true.

Tobirama wrenches Izuna's hand out of his hair.

"Pick on someone your own size, small stuff." He taunts.

Izuna, comfortable with his short height, naturally goes for Tobirama's dick with the stick he'd been poking around in the fire.

"Oh– Okay, okay, _shit,_ stop it! You're gonna wake up the civilians, dumbass!" 

Izuna lets out a low chuckle, highly amused, but he does stop this time.

"You're an asshole and I hate you." Tobirama promises, sitting down a bit farther from Izuna than he was before.

Izuna winks and blows him an exaggerated kiss, using comedy to restrain his anger. It… usually seems to work.

Tobirama pretends to dodge, just to spite him. Izuna grins, shuffling closer without any ill-intent, and presses an obnoxiously wet kiss to Tobirama's cheek. He really wishes Izuna wasn't so comfortable with getting near his face, or that he himself didn't always let him.

Tobirama viciously wipes at his cheek as Izuna retreats.

"Oh, don't pout." Izuna coos. "I hate you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> please don't treat your friends as outlets for your anger. thank you for coming to my Ted Talk


End file.
